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Brand humour

Nissan Humour: 51 Jokes

Nissan makes Canada's most seen sedan, its most discussed CVT, and a Rogue in every third driveway. The Altima is a personality, the Sentra is a budget, and the Z is a dream.

Here is an affectionate set of Nissan jokes for owners, former owners, and anyone who's merged behind an Altima.

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The Altima

  • An Altima doesn't merge, it "appears, confidently."
  • Why do Altimas have tape on the bumper? Character, mostly.
  • An Altima tailgates the way a Canadian apologises: constantly, and without malice.
  • My Altima's check engine light is a loyal companion.
  • The Altima is the car that taught a generation what "lease special" looks like.

The CVT

  • A Nissan CVT doesn't shift, it "negotiates."
  • Why does the CVT hum? It's thinking it over.
  • My CVT's favourite phrase is "rubber band," and it's tired of it.
  • The RPM needle and the speedometer have an understanding, and it's complicated.
  • A CVT in winter is a thoughtful drone, taking its time.

Sentra, Rogue and the Z

  • A Sentra is a budget with wheels and a plan.
  • The Rogue is a Sentra that started a family.
  • A Pathfinder is a Rogue that started a podcast.
  • The Z is a Nissan that remembers it can be fun.
  • Why was the GT-R calm? It had already won, and quietly.

One-liners

  • Nissans don't break, they "schedule a visit."
  • My Nissan and my wallet are in a committed relationship with the service bay.
  • A Nissan payment is the most reliable thing about it.
  • I asked my Nissan if it was happy. It said "the CVT is fine."
  • Nissans hold the road like they hold their value: reasonably, and for a long time.

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Frequently asked questions

Yes. Nissans are common refinance candidates, especially as credit improves after the original loan.

They're affectionate. We refinance Nissans daily, Altimas very much included.

Modern Nissan CVTs have improved with maintenance. A clean service history helps refinancing and resale.

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