Charging and range
- Why did the Tesla cross the country? It took breaks every 400 km, like the rest of us, but more smugly.
- My Tesla said "15 percent battery." My anxiety said "and dropping."
- I planned a road trip. Then I planned the charging stops. Then I planned snacks for the charging stops.
- Why don't Teslas tell range jokes? The punchline changes too fast in cold weather.
- I asked my Tesla if we'd make it. It said "maybe," which is the most honest a car has ever been.
- Range anxiety is just regular anxiety with a battery percentage.
Software and autopilot
- My Tesla updated overnight and now it has opinions about my parking.
- Autopilot is great, except for the part where I'm still legally the one who hit the curb.
- Why did the Tesla reboot? It was tired of being a car and wanted to be a tablet for a while.
- Over-the-air update: the only time a car improves while you sleep and you don't have to pay a mechanic.
- My favourite Tesla feature is the screen, because I can confirm I'm lost in high definition.
- The car braked for a shadow. I thanked it. We're developing trust issues.
Silence and speed
- Teslas are so quiet pedestrians don't hear you coming. Your wallet, however, heard the options list.
- 0 to 100 in 3 seconds, then 0 to "where do I plug in" in 3 hours.
- I floored it and the only sound was my passenger's gasp. Premium gasp, included.
- Why did the Tesla join a library? It already belonged everywhere quiet.
- The interior is so silent you can hear the resale value holding steady.
- Electric torque: the feeling of being right, instantly.
Save thousands
Save thousands by refinancing your vehicle anywhere in Canada.
Free to apply, no obligation, and no credit check to pre-qualify.
Frequently asked questions
Yes, a Tesla financed with a standard auto loan can be refinanced like any other vehicle, often at a lower rate if your credit has improved.
Every joke is family-friendly and affectionate. We like fast, quiet cars, and we like to laugh at them.
Charging is usually cheaper per kilometre than gas, but insurance, tires and the purchase price all factor in. Run the full numbers before you switch.