50+ Hilarious Car Dealer Jokes & One-Liners That'll Drive You Laughing
Why did the car salesman bring a ladder?
– Because the prices were through the roof!
I told the car dealer I wanted a good deal…
– He handed me a mirror and said, “Look, you just found one!”
Car salespeople have a great retirement plan…
– It’s called “dealer markup.”
What’s a car salesman’s favorite type of math?
– Financing with hidden fees.
Why did the car salesman go to therapy?
– He couldn’t stop pushing people’s buttons.
The dealership told me I needed a co-signer.
– I brought my mom. They laughed. I cried.
I asked the dealer if I could see the Carfax…
– He showed me a napkin with “trust me” written on it.
“No hidden fees” is just code for “we haven’t told you about them yet.”
I asked the dealer for the best deal…
– He handed me a bus schedule.
Why did the used car salesman bring a telescope?
– To find the fine print in the contract!
The only thing more inflated than a dealership’s balloon arch?
– Their interest rates.
I walked into a dealership with $500 down…
– I left with a brochure and a handshake.
Why don’t car salesmen play hide and seek?
– Because good luck hiding when you’re following someone around the lot!
The car salesman said it was a one-owner vehicle…
– He forgot to mention it was a taxi.
What’s a car dealer’s favorite horror movie?
– “The Trade-In Value”
I asked for the car’s history…
– The dealer said, “Once upon a time, it wasn’t in a flood.”
I asked the salesman if the car had any accidents…
– He said, “None that we reported.”
Why do dealerships put so many balloons outside?
– To distract you from the prices inside.
A car salesman’s motto:
– “If you don’t lie, you don’t buy.”
“What’s the best price you can do?”
– “How much do you have?”
Why do car salespeople make good magicians?
– They can make your trade-in value disappear.
The salesman told me, “This car will go 0-60 in 5 seconds.”
– I just didn’t know he meant off a cliff.
I asked for a deal. The salesman gave me 5 free car washes…
– …for the car I didn’t buy.
Buying a car is like going to a casino…
– Except the house always wins, and you drive home broke.
I asked if I could test-drive a car…
– The salesman said, “Only if you’re serious about buying.”
– So I test-walked out the door.
Why don’t car salesmen use Tinder?
– Because they’re already good at making people say “no” to bad deals.
Car dealerships: Where the coffee is free and the truth is extra.
Why do car salesmen always wear expensive watches?
– Because someone has to be on time for the payments.
I told the salesman I wanted a “gently used” car…
– He sold me a rental.
The salesman said the car was “certified pre-owned.”
– Certified by who? Stevie Wonder?
My credit score is so bad, the dealer offered me a bicycle.
The dealership said they’d throw in free oil changes…
– If I financed for 84 months.
Why did the car salesman bring a net?
– To catch people before they left the lot.
The car dealership had a sale!
– Just kidding, they raised the prices and called it a sale.
I asked about the “best deal of the year.”
– Turns out, it was last year.
The dealer said, “This car was owned by a little old lady.”
– He forgot to mention she was a stunt driver.
I love negotiating with car dealers…
– It’s like a hostage situation, but I’m the one paying ransom.
The dealership told me I got the “VIP discount.”
– Turns out, VIP stands for “Very Inflated Price.”
Why did the car salesman fail the honesty test?
– He tried to sell it.
The dealer said, “This car runs like a dream.”
– Translation: You’ll wake up to a nightmare.
I asked if the car had Bluetooth…
– The dealer said, “Yeah, and a little bit of rust too.”
“No payments for 90 days” sounds great…
– Until you realize the payments last 7 years.
My salesman said, “You won’t find a better deal anywhere.”
– He was right… because every other dealer was cheaper.
Why do car dealers love holidays?
– More excuses for fake sales!
I asked if the car had been in any accidents…
– The salesman said, “Not recently.”
Why don’t car dealers tell ghost stories?
– Because their prices are scary enough.
The dealership said I was “pre-approved.”
– Turns out, I was pre-approved to leave.
I bought a car from a dealer and found out it was in a flood…
– The first time it rained inside the car.
The dealership had a sign that said, “We’ll work with any budget.”
– Turns out, they meant any budget over $50,000.
I asked the car salesman if the price was negotiable…
– He laughed so hard, he fell out of his chair.
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